R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
