Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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