I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
