I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
