yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
