Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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