Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
