Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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