You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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