I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
