How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
