Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He passed out mid-signature
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have post one night stand depression
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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