No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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