Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
