i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
