Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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