hotel room ftw
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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