I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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