She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
