We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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