Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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