You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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