She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
