you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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