so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
