Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She even gives head with a lisp.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
