Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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