He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
