Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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