you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What a dumb baby whore.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
