go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
