yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
