I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
