Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
