I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
