and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
