i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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