I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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