I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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