i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
