Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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