everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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