Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
