Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
