At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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