The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i think my cat just said my name.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
