white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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