i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
where are my eyebrows?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
