well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
