It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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