Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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