i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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