I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
