my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
